SHAMELESS .... never ...HOPELESS.....

Its been 2 days ... now i even dont get words for writing a little poem .. to describe my thoughts ..
but today i am able to recall an incident when i was a kid .. its about a race we called it " chocolate race " where u had to run and reach the finish line and then winners took as many chocolates they can collect from there ...
I used to get ready early in the morning for the race ..on the same day .. get my shoes coloured white .. get on my best dress and then walk with a lot of pride towards the field .. on my way i would tell every one that i am going for the race .. even i told mom that i will also give her one chocolate when i come back ,she used to smile and tell me just one .. i told yes rest i will take it to my school ...
On reaching the field i saw every other participant .. they were tall guys .. with sports shoes .. i said myself dont u worry .. today u will win ... i used to be the same very bulky little boy then , the whistle was blown and then started off the race ..i used to run with all my pace and could see everyone moving ahead , i used to tremble and fall down ... again i stood ran ... fell down again .my lovely dress used to be soiled and those white shoes were brown with mud and lace open wide .. the audience used to look at me ..some laughed loud ..some said ooh poor chap ,, my friends were worried of me being hurt ... and i was always worried to run back again and i did so .. i reached the finish line ofcourse at last ... all would smile back at me even i gave a smile back ..
i knew i had been last .. uncle used to give me one chocolate and i came back home and shared it with mom .. no one was proud of me except me myself because i was always a shameless fellow as all said but was always full of hopes never hopeless ........

And today when i am almost broken i am just searching the same hope in me .may be then the loss was too small so i could be so .. but with time i hope the shameless strength i had must have been grown to face the toughest loss .. we often never are able to accept the greatest defeat of life, i wont say i am defeated coz still i love my angel as i did its just that she wont be there with me all through my life which was the most beautiful of my dreams .. but i cant be away from her ...for each moment my prayers will be near her ..and even her each little memory will be near me the first day i saw her ... the way she used to hide her face in class ..her funny assent when she used to think .. the way she used to laugh and scold each one and the best when she used to be angry nd turn that sweet face ...

Most suggest to forget her ... get busy with life ..but im too selfish how can i forget those treasured glimpses of her .i will keep it safe with me and on any cold winter night when im too alone her voice which i must say is sweeter than any of your angels will be the warmth of heaven for me ..and i even wont cry coz tears may take away few of her images from my eyes ..i will always give the so called shameless smile ... which i did ..laugh the way i did ... its just that i will now miss her more than i did .....